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When sexual tricks and candlelight dinner are useless: what to do if your spouse has grown cold to you

If about one in four attempts to make love ends in failure (your partner is physically unable to perform sexual intercourse), then we may be talking about impotence… Doctors are sounding the alarm: the diagnosis is rapidly getting younger, and men aged 30-40 years are also more often faced with it. The reasons can be very different: from physiological to psychological. The question is, what should a loving woman do?
When tips from magazines don’t work
In case of problems with sex in a couple (the man is tired, not in the mood, wants to, but can’t), women’s magazines offer their readers a universal advice: buy a set of lace underwear and arrange a romantic dinner by candlelight. Corny! And most importantly-it does not work, because, perhaps, we are talking about impotence as a diagnosis.

Of course, it is worth distinguishing accumulated fatigue from real and serious health problems. If one of the couple is stressed because of work, children are sick, creditors are overpowering, that is, the head is filled with anything but thoughts of sex, we do not have to talk about intimacy. And this applies to both men and women. After all, for a full-fledged intimacy, you need to relax, tune in to get pleasure. But if external problems are resolved, the body is physically rested, and the soul does not lie to sex (and not only it), then it makes sense to discuss a delicate topic. Our expert tells you exactly how to do this.
Yevgeny Kulgavchuk
the doctor-sexologist, psychotherapist, psychiatrist
“If the sexual life comes to nothing and unobtrusive one-time attempts to get closer were not successful, you should not continue, because it can cause a sense of guilt. A man, for example, may have a syndrome of anxious expectation of sexual failure (STOSN), and the feeling of helplessness at the female initiative can become unbearable. To solve the problem, you need to understand the reasons. The ideal case is to seek help from a sexologist. And better a couple. Because there can be many reasons: from psychological to hormonal. It is better to voice the need in a paired format: WE have a problem, not YOU. A man doesn’t want to look humiliated. You can say this to your partner: “I admit that I am doing something wrong. But I am ready to meet you halfway. It’s time to update. Let’s try. At least go to the primary reception, and then we’ll see.” You need to understand that this proposal should not be made in the format: “Should we go to the movies?”If you yourself are confused and do not understand the importance of this step, then your man may continue to lead a line of avoiding behavior and refuse to accept.”

Should a woman blame herself for a man’s sexual dysfunction?
“Depending on the reasons. If this is disharmony, then you can start trying with yourself. For example, everything was great and regular, but after a quarrel and offensive words in his address, he closed off and not only does not want intimacy, but does not talk to you at all. Of course, then you should start with an emotional rapprochement. With a simple and sincere: “I’m Sorry, I’m sorry!”But if he is rude himself, then don’t take the blame.”

What about Viagra?
It seems that everyone has heard about this tool for improving potency. That’s just doctors do not recommend indiscriminately buying dietary Supplements and other advertised means. “I strongly do not recommend it. You can die from such experiments. Or get psychologically dependent on drugs. It’s like trying to repair a car engine without having a specialty, experience, or education.”
When is impotence a signal of more serious health problems?
Let’s not forget that in 80% of cases we are talking about organic (physiological) causes of impotence, and only in 20% —about psychological. The former include:

Atherosclerosis of the vessels of the penis. Blood flow to the penis and scrotum decreases and its outflow increases. Doctors say that impotence can be a harbinger of a heart attack! And not necessarily for men over 50 years of age. Young people also face this problem.

Increased sugar in the blood. Diabetes mellitus reduces the patency of blood vessels that supply blood to the penis of a man (so there is no erection).

An imbalance of the hormonal system.

Injuries and tumors of the lumbar spine (spinal impotence), pelvic organs, and the brain.

Depressive disorder. A number of antidepressants depress potency.

The listed reasons (there may be more) signal the need to visit a doctor, who will prescribe a number of studies and tests. In this case, impotence indicates that there are already more serious health problems. Erectile dysfunction is just one of the bells. And here it is important not to self-medicate — do not help broth parsley and nuts, and contact a specialist. And often it is a loving woman who can insist on this.

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